First feedback for proposal (Sabina):

Project aims - Be clear on what you are making - a documentary on mindfulness.

Your objectives need to be much more specific and detailed (its a bit too generalised at the moment) What specifically about filming do you want to develop camerawork, shot types, movement framing etc.

You need to be very specific with your milestones. I see that you are doing a survey and then an interview but there is no mention about what they are going to be about and why.

I think you need to be more clearer on what mindfulness is and what you are going to include in the documentary.

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Second feedback for proposal (Martyn):

Be specific about what area of mental health you wish to create a documentary about

10-15 minutes 

What skills do you wish to learn.. specific skills 

Ethical/cultural issues with your doc, generational and age issues - target to the right audience 

Who watches - is it appropriate for 5 year old

Social responsibility - provide places for people to get help

Management review - can be running screenings and focus groups, to get feedback - aimed at your target audience, survey or interview just based on your viewing 

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Feedback for research (Sabina):

Information on mental health - needs to be backed up with evidence. At the moment that part of the research seems as if you have just written that based on your own opinion.

When you talk about the documentary modes link to examples of documentary. It doesn't have to be brand new documentaries you are analysing from scratch. It can be documentaries you have already analysed.

You mention that your idea will have performative elements but how? What specifically are you planning that exemplifies this?

You must use the Harvard referencing system

Use script software to write your script - Studio binder`

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Feedback for rough edit (Sabina):

PDF script - take a picture and embed it.

Harvard referencing system - Needs to be in in alphabetical order. All archive material needs to be referenced.

Opening scene with voiceover - A bit too long- possibly other scenic shots to break it up.

Opening credits - don't have the text move all the way across - have it come in and stop possibly in the middle and freeze the shot.

I'm not a big fan of the way the bench scene comes in and the music suddenly stops. Sort this out. Try a fade on the music. Look at L Cut editing technique

With your text you need to be very careful with your grammar.

The statistics - have them moving in and exiting out - it is quite text heavy.

Take the music off from your interview. It detracts from the seriousness of the interview.

Interview needs to be broken down a little - this can be done with different camera angles and a 2 camera set up. Also the lighting is low- Try having a spot light when you reshoot.

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